GO AWAY! like seriously. for some reason i'm always in a bad mood when it rains. it's just depressing to me. i do not find it soothing at all. not one bit. and on top of that school is not helping the depressing factor at all. just 7 more weeks...
Monday, April 13, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
i have something to say
everyone is trying to generalize and categorize life but its different for everyone. the only thing we all know is that its not easy. the rich snobby girl with a mansion and a bmw is definitely going to have a different perspective on life than the girl with the abusive alcoholic father that has never even stepped foot in an actual house. so one person cannot create a universal description on life. i even find myself realizing that i cannot really ask for advice from anyone because they dont really know the situation. im a big girl now and i have to figure things out on my own. i mean like honestly, im not going to have a lot of my friends from high school in college. maybe just like three. the three good ones that actually matter.i dont even know who those three are though cause people change and things happen. its stressful.
sometimes i wish my life was like E's.
Friday, April 10, 2009
just a little more about moi
as you know my name is nicole. i live in illinois but im definitely moving to california for college. i enjoy sleeping, texting (yes i know its cliche), watching movies, writing (duh), and painting. and i hate onions, cold weather, and show offs more than anything. id like to say im pretty spontaneous and random and sometimes even borderline weird. im pretty impatient and i get annoyed pretty easily. some people say that i look mean but i dont think so. like if you were to randomly come up to me and say 'hey lets be friends' and you didnt look like a creeper, id prbly say 'sure!'. i love laughing so if you can make me laugh ill prbly love you. im pretty short. im only like 5'3''-ish. my friends usually make fun of me and i usually blame my asian-ness. oh yeah! did i forget? im half asian. not that its important or anything cause i act 'so white' according to my best friend in the entire world JENNIFER SHEN. im a lucky person to have known her my entire life. youre just jealous cause ive known my best friend for +15 years. suckerr. so yeah, i really dont like rambling about myself. i feel like im missing key concepts to my personality that only your friends notice. if that makes sense. so im gonna stop cause i feel conceited. i always feel conceited when i start rambling in like those 'about me' things on myspace and facebook. if thats normal. doesnt everyone feel that way? whatever.
oh did i forget to mention how i love chuck bass? lol. he's like the best fictional character, well in my opinoin. so yes, now you can make fun of me. esspecially you jenn cause i know youre going to read this and mention it. (:
oh did i forget to mention how i love chuck bass? lol. he's like the best fictional character, well in my opinoin. so yes, now you can make fun of me. esspecially you jenn cause i know youre going to read this and mention it. (:
Thursday, April 9, 2009
talk about routine
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: playradioplay!
My days always start off the same. I roll out of bed at 6:10, wash my face/brush my teeth, do my hair while listening to my lastest music obsession, pull on whatever clothes i still like, line my eyes with shitty stick eyeliner and darken my thin eyelashes, make my lunch, and finally leave the house at 6:47 to wait at the corner alone for my bus to arrive. taking the bus is so cliche too. it makes me feel like a suburbanite from a cheesey blockbuster. i cannot wait until i can drive but sadly thats not going to be for another year due to my stupid summer birthday. my impatience does not help at all.
So how was my day? it was typical. i had to watch a movie about the Kennedy assassination today. like it was interesting and all but not my cup of tea. im not into history one bit. the only thing that really annoyed me today was how i got a headache during the middle of the day. i always get those. its a mystery why though. my mother says its because of my eyes but i have yet to establish a clear connection between eyes and headaches. besides that, it was alright. this weekend is going to be chaotic though. i have to write that power essay for english and basically im taking the voice of a cocky conceited asshole so that should be interesting. on the bright side, i get to stay up tonight watching movies and talking andd i get to sleep in tomorrow. woot!
a poem from about a week ago;
RAIN ON A TUESDAY
its raining outside
its pouring
every drop hits my window
with a graceful tap
almost in harmony
looking out the window,
everything is distorted
like a foggy unclear mirror
everything blends together
creating something obscene
never scene
the picture i used to see every morning
seems distant as if it never existed
rain might make the flowers grow
but it acts as a cleanser as well
whiping off everything that once mattered
but doesnt now
cleaning the slate
starting over
giving a little peace of mind
My days always start off the same. I roll out of bed at 6:10, wash my face/brush my teeth, do my hair while listening to my lastest music obsession, pull on whatever clothes i still like, line my eyes with shitty stick eyeliner and darken my thin eyelashes, make my lunch, and finally leave the house at 6:47 to wait at the corner alone for my bus to arrive. taking the bus is so cliche too. it makes me feel like a suburbanite from a cheesey blockbuster. i cannot wait until i can drive but sadly thats not going to be for another year due to my stupid summer birthday. my impatience does not help at all.
So how was my day? it was typical. i had to watch a movie about the Kennedy assassination today. like it was interesting and all but not my cup of tea. im not into history one bit. the only thing that really annoyed me today was how i got a headache during the middle of the day. i always get those. its a mystery why though. my mother says its because of my eyes but i have yet to establish a clear connection between eyes and headaches. besides that, it was alright. this weekend is going to be chaotic though. i have to write that power essay for english and basically im taking the voice of a cocky conceited asshole so that should be interesting. on the bright side, i get to stay up tonight watching movies and talking andd i get to sleep in tomorrow. woot!
a poem from about a week ago;
RAIN ON A TUESDAY
its raining outside
its pouring
every drop hits my window
with a graceful tap
almost in harmony
looking out the window,
everything is distorted
like a foggy unclear mirror
everything blends together
creating something obscene
never scene
the picture i used to see every morning
seems distant as if it never existed
rain might make the flowers grow
but it acts as a cleanser as well
whiping off everything that once mattered
but doesnt now
cleaning the slate
starting over
giving a little peace of mind
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
UNTITLED
actually written on 02|05|09
she glared at me
with eyes like poinsoned daggers
stabbing and intoxicating
what used to be a heart filled with friendship,
but now is vacant.
I grow nervous
sweaty palms
shortness of breath
the whole ordeal.
Then i begin to realize
this is more than tension.
My sweaty palms tighten and my fingers curl in
making a fist.
My breaths stay short but intensify.
What was once anxiety
is now vexation
calamity
hate.
I want to throw that first punch
but i wont.
I wont become what you are now,
a monster.
she glared at me
with eyes like poinsoned daggers
stabbing and intoxicating
what used to be a heart filled with friendship,
but now is vacant.
I grow nervous
sweaty palms
shortness of breath
the whole ordeal.
Then i begin to realize
this is more than tension.
My sweaty palms tighten and my fingers curl in
making a fist.
My breaths stay short but intensify.
What was once anxiety
is now vexation
calamity
hate.
I want to throw that first punch
but i wont.
I wont become what you are now,
a monster.
wednesdays are never fun
I was debating whether to start this up again and well i suppose my dark side convinced me that it wouldnt hurt. ill still use my twitter but ill use this for those extra long things and my poems and what not. oh speaking of poems, ive been writing alot of them lately. i dont know if thats good or bad, but i have been. maybe ive found a happy medium with my writing. wait that isnt possible because then id have to thank.... mr doherty. scary. i never thought id thank him for anything. i guess he just helped me find my voice. my sarcastic informal voice that never uses commas. lol. besides that life has been going swell for a wednesday. i usually feel really ugly on wednesdays for some reason but today not so much. theres many things im trying to accomplish now because i feel that my life is a waste. im trying this thing where im not going to be an asshole. the keyword is 'trying'. im not sure if itll happen but whatever. and for some reason i want to be nicer and more outgoing. some people say im already nice and outgoing but not to my standards and if anyones opinon mattered, its definitely mine so suck on that. so yeah im trying that out and what not. thank god theres a three day weekend. it should be interesting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
