UNTITLED

actually written on 02|05|09

she glared at me
with eyes like poinsoned daggers
stabbing and intoxicating
what used to be a heart filled with friendship,
but now is vacant.
I grow nervous
sweaty palms
shortness of breath
the whole ordeal.
Then i begin to realize
this is more than tension.
My sweaty palms tighten and my fingers curl in
making a fist.
My breaths stay short but intensify.
What was once anxiety
is now vexation
calamity
hate.
I want to throw that first punch
but i wont.
I wont become what you are now,
a monster.

wednesdays are never fun

I was debating whether to start this up again and well i suppose my dark side convinced me that it wouldnt hurt. ill still use my twitter but ill use this for those extra long things and my poems and what not. oh speaking of poems, ive been writing alot of them lately. i dont know if thats good or bad, but i have been. maybe ive found a happy medium with my writing. wait that isnt possible because then id have to thank.... mr doherty. scary. i never thought id thank him for anything. i guess he just helped me find my voice. my sarcastic informal voice that never uses commas. lol. besides that life has been going swell for a wednesday. i usually feel really ugly on wednesdays for some reason but today not so much. theres many things im trying to accomplish now because i feel that my life is a waste. im trying this thing where im not going to be an asshole. the keyword is 'trying'. im not sure if itll happen but whatever. and for some reason i want to be nicer and more outgoing. some people say im already nice and outgoing but not to my standards and if anyones opinon mattered, its definitely mine so suck on that. so yeah im trying that out and what not. thank god theres a three day weekend. it should be interesting.